Have you ever had a disagreement with your spouse? Most likely you answered that question with a resounding, “YES.” Over the years, DeeDee and I have had our share of disagreements and I’d like to share with you a few things that we have learned about bouncing back.
Amos 3:3 talks about the destructive power of disagreement in marriage–when the enemy can get you and your spouse into disagreement, he is working to introduce the spirit of divorce. Without the right tools to help you restore your relationship, an argument can be like an open door to the enemy.
So, how do we bounce back after a disagreement in the marriage? First and foremost, by learning to let go. Micah 7:18 reads, “Don’t nurse your anger and don’t stay angry long, for mercy is your specialty.” By holding on to disagreement, you are going to let it destroy you, and ruin your relationship.
It’s also of utmost importance to be responsible for your actions. Don’t make excuses. Excuses are for those who want to stand in the path of irresponsibility. Even though you think your wife may be wrong, I believe it is the husband’s responsibility to go to the wife to begin the process of reconciliation. It may take getting your feelings hurt. It may take humbling or reducing yourself, but the Bible states “the greater one is going to be least.”
I’ve learned that there are seven areas that couples must reconcile if they are going to bounce back from disagreement in the marriage.
The Permutable. Have you decided that you will change or do something different only when you see your spouse change? To be permutable, you will need to be able to change and rearrange your thinking in order to bounce back from conflict.
The Plan. It’s hard to bounce back if there is no plan of reconciliation and restoration when there is offense. Furthermore, you cannot expect to make a plan in the heat of a situation. Use family meetings, when things are going well, to determine how you will handle conflict when it arises.
If your attitude is that your marriage is fine and that you do not need to do anything different, I advise you not to get caught in the Perpetual Problem. In life, things are constantly changing. By not doing anything, you are going to be perpetually stuck, unable to adapt your relationship to changing circumstances. Make it a point to always be proactive.
Almost all disagreements will require some form of Pardon. If you want your relationship to go to the next level, you will have to forgive and let go of past hurt. Additionally, learn to apologize—even when you believe you’re right.
The Pride. Even when times are challenging, you still have to show your spouse and family that they can rely on you. If there are dishes in the sink, you get in the kitchen and you begin to wash dishes. If you are full of pride, you cannot be effective in your home. You are a leader, not a dictator.
The Passion. You can’t bounce back from a disagreement if you just don’t care about your marriage anymore. Be passionate about everything in your marriage. Make the decision to fight for what rightfully belongs to you!
The Parental or Peer Problem. Stop running to tell momma, the boys at the barbershop or yourBFF everything that is going on in your marriage. People get into agreement with you, making it more difficult for you to return and forgive your spouse. Talk to your spouse about your disagreements, not your parents or friends!
Not being able to overcome disagreement is a real danger to your marriage. Changing the way you deal with it will transform your relationship. I always say, “your response is your responsibility”. Addressing these seven areas will lay a foundation that will allow you to bounce back from disagreement. You may even notice that disagreements become few and far between. If you do these things, not only will you have a marriage that is able to bounce back from disagreements, you will have a marriage that is built to last!
7 Steps to Your Relationship Comeback
What is it about your relationship that God wants to hold it up as a trophy to the world? What is it that you and your spouse possess that the enemy will work to ensure that you have disagreement and discord in your marriage? We have all had disagreement and conflict with our spouse. But, constant disagreement can introduce the spirit of divorce into your relationship.
Here are 7 key areas that you and your spouse can work to address so that you can effectively bounce back after disagreement:
- Be willing to change.
- Make plans.
- Take action.
- Overcome your pride.
- Be passionate.
- Talk to your spouse about the problems in your marriage.
There is power in agreement!