Sex in the City…and the Sanctuary!?

A few years ago, HBO became the talk of the town with its original series featuring Sarah Jessica Parker in “Sex in the City.”  This particular cable show was based on a group of New York single women who were looking for love.  Each week they would get together and go out to the local bars and meet men with the hopes of meeting Mr. Right.  The show didn\’t hide the intense sexual demands that these women had, with the exception of one of the ladies, who downplayed her sexual desires for just finding that one guy who would make her happy. But for the others, sex was a definite must; otherwise it just wasn\’t worth it.

Last month, a well known black historic publication identified a number of Christian women who are very active in their home church and served faithfully.  They all profess their love for the Lord and believe God for everything, except keeping them celibate until their Boaz comes along.  These women confess that they are Christians and aren\’t straddling the fence about their spirituality, they just have sex outside of marriage and they don\’t see anything wrong with it.  Initially, I was surprised, but then I had to think back to the early days of my own walk.  Although, I have come short of His glory, I have never thought it was okay and that God would accept it. I just remembered hearing that God would forgive me, but I would still have consequences to pay. And the worse part about it was I never knew what those consequences would be.  Not to mention, the idea of God just leaving me to my own devices because I\’ve repeatedly sinned, and now I\’m no longer convicted and have become of a reprobate mind where God just allows me to do whatever I want.  Now that is a scary thought.

But, in this particular publication, the tone of the interview came across like it was justifiable.  The women seem to suggest that since the other areas of their lives were in line with what they felt was good, God would understand if they engaged in a little sex before marriage, and He would not condemn them. After all, they had been waiting and God had not sent them Mr. Right.  Their clock was ticking and they had needs.  They all had it going on. They were all different ages but, they all seemed to express that they could still love God and have their sex too. And I don\’t doubt that you can. I just find the idea of blatantly disregarding God\’s will a very strong motivator to not cross those lines.  I\’m not trying to say I can\’t relate, sexual ties are very strong and can be hard to overcome, but you don\’t just accept it and put yourself in positions that may cause you to fall.

Last week, I received an email from a group that was hosting a “Sex in the City” Singles party.  When I saw it, I was initially caught off guard by it, but not shocked. I believe the surprise came when I saw it was a Christian function. But, I have to admit, that I\’m considering hosting a similar event for our singles to open up the taboo discussion of sex and sex in the church.

Many singles are having sex as noted by the article and recent prominent leaders being exposed. Why is that?  Some have suggested that without a real and true discussion about sex, the black church is doing a disservice to our community by not addressing the matter on a more personal and direct manner. Sure we talk about it from the pulpit, but when it can be broken down and a real open candid discussion can be had, that’s when a clear revelation of the power of sex can be detailed for the individual and possibly help him/her to abstain.

I know some folks who say that they love God, but they just worship Him differently.  I had to ask, “what do you mean differently? Different from what?” One individual explained that because of her past experiences in church, she doesn\’t come to church nor worships or serves in the “traditional” manner that everyone else does.  She comes and gets what she can get, and rolls out.  As I thought about that for a moment, I realized that most of folks do exactly that. As long as they are in the building, they think they\’ve done something, not realizing that their coming does nothing for God if they don\’t give Him the praise, the glory, and the honor.  You see, our worship experience is to give back to Him for what He has given us.  All week long He has covered us, kept us, blessed us, favored us, strengthened us, fed us, clothed us, healed us, secured us, kept us in our right mind, enabled us to have a job to go to, and if we don\’t have a job, kept us from going crazy because we don\’t. He\’s sheltered us, given us transportation even if it meant bus, metro, train, or feet, we got where we needed to go.  With all these blessings each and every day, and yet all we can give Him is the hour of service and roll out. This is why it\’s so easy to drink, smoke, cuss, and have sex and not feel any conviction about it. Church is a routine for those and not a service.

What are your feelings about being a single Christian and having sex? Do you believe that God will understand that you\’re doing everything else “right,” but you just fall short in this one area?  Do you think He will still hold you accountable and that you\’ll have consequences?  Take our anonymous survey and let us know what you think about sex in the church or before marriage. Does sex hold a value in your walk with God? If you believe you have been faithful to God, is having sex wrong? Let us know.

Take our survey here!!!

Min. Kelly Mikel Williams is the Single\’s Ministry President and serves as the Special Assistant to Archbishop Alfred A. Owens, Jr., at Greater Mt. Calvary Holy Church in Washington, DC. He is a single father and the Executive Producer and host of Black Politics Today a political TV & radio talk show. Follow on Twitter @blkpolitics2day & Facebook @Black Politics Today & @Kelly Mikel Williams.