We asked three â€œSingles Ministryâ€ leaders this questionâ€¦
Divine Wholeness Singles Ministry
The Cathedral International. Perth Amboy, NJ
Bishop Donald Hilliard Jr., Senior Pastor
Kelly Mikel Williams
Greater Mt. Calvary Holy Church, Washington, D.C.
Archbishop Alfred A. Owens, Jr., Senior Pastor
S.T.Y.L.E. (Singles Taking Your Life to Excellence)
This is Pentecost Ministries, Sacramento, CA
Pastor Tamara Bennett, Senior Pastor
When it comes to single adults, are there differences between men and women in terms of their desire to be married?
Deborah: Yes. Women are more eager to connect with their future spouses. Marriage is the next big step that our women look forward to! They have successful and rewarding careers, higher education and marriage is the next logical evolution.
Men want to marry as well, but they are more realistic with the concept of marriage as opposed to women who are sometimes idealistic.
Women are into the wedding, dress and concepts associated with marriage and sometimes downplay the real deal (character and incompatibility issues) associated with relationships.
Men are much more cautious of marriage because of the high divorce rate. Men scrutinize every aspect of marriage because they want it to last forever and they believe that most people marry too quickly. One person said â€œthat they would rather remain happy and single than be married and miserable.â€
Kelly: In our ministry, unfortunately there seems to be a huge gap in the desire for marriage among men and women. Most men seem to be content in their singleness, whereas most women seem to have no contentment whatsoever. For the women, they are counting the days and watching the clock. I know of a few women who\’ve expressed to me that they needed to get married. Some expressed this feeling as a result of their desire to have children while others were simply tired of waiting on God to deliver. One young lady in particular mentioned to me that she has suggested to a young man that since neither of them was getting any younger, that they should date so that they could eventually marry and have kids.
Another saved, sanctified, and Holy Ghost filled young lady said that she is considering moving to another state because she can\’t find a man where she lives. The men, on the other hand aren\’t watching the clock, nor are they considering moving to find a mate. In fact, I don\’t know if they are even looking at the women. I mean I know that there are a few of us who are seeking that â€œhelpmeetâ€ and desire a relationship, but I know a number of guys that aren\’t in any way seeking to find a mate (at least this is what they say).
It would seem to me that if God made Adam and birthed Eve out of him, that there would be a whole lot more Adams looking for their Eve, than Eve looking for her Adam.
Shanick: In our ministry I don\’t find that there\’s a difference in the desire for marriage between men and women; however I do find differences in the preparation for marriage between the two.
The majority of the men I talk with want to be married and want to have children, but they go through a different process and preparation to getting to the point of marriage. They have to know without a doubt that the woman is the â€œone,â€ and they have no problem with taking their time before making that decision. Most men also want to be financially secure or have completed a certain level of success prior to getting married.
I have also found that many Christian men struggle with the idea of not experiencing their mate sexually prior to marriage, with the fear of not being pleased after the I DO. On the other hand, in my experience, when a woman has a strong desire to get married, that desire can direct her emotions and decisions in dating and selecting a mate.
When it comes to finding/selecting a mate, there are many levels of communication, submission, faith, and trusting God that must be addressed:
Many women arrive at the â€œI’m readyâ€ phase without really understanding all that is needed to build the type of foundation necessary to make a marriage successful. There are many levels of healing that must be done to truly be able to experience the love that God had in mind for us.
Singles Ministries have to continue to address the differences in how men and women think, respond, and communicate.
What do you think? Are you part of a Singles Ministry? Is it effective? If you’re NOT in a Singles Ministry… WHY NOT?