The Dating Game…Who’s Winning?

Is a Good Man (or Woman) Really Hard to Find?

by Sharon Frame

“If you look at the numbers of Black men over the age of 18, not in prison, not homosexual and interested in having committed relationship, you still have two and a half million black men in the D.C.-Richmond, Virginia corridor alone. That\’s a lot of guys! You can\’t tell me there are no good guys out there.”

A new 2011 dating study by Match.Com challenges long-held stereotypes about male commitment. The survey found that men are just as eager as women to fall in love, get married and commit to a long-term relationship.

The Battle Between the Sexes
So….what\’s poisoning the love potion? Chances are you\’ve heard them before:

What women say about men:
• Men are afraid of commitment
• Men are intimidated by strong, successful women
• Most black men want to date white women
• Men want a relationship for sexual gratification
• Men don\’t prefer women who already have children
What Men say about women:

• A woman\’s idea of security is access to my bank account
• Many women don\’t think they need a man
• Most women are loud, bossy and tear down men
• Women just want men to take care of them
• Women are not that interested in sex after they get married

Of course these claims are generalizations, but they can be deadly weapons in the ballet between the sexes.
Brunson says these strongly held beliefs are media-driven perceptions that create our reality.

Sisters! Slow Down!
Cynika Drake is the CEO of Lavish Lifestyles, a membership personal concierge service specializing in arranging one-of-a-kind romantic experiences and unique adventures.

Drake is beautiful, intelligent, educated, ambitious and single. Several months ago, she moved her business from California to New York, partly to get close to a deeper dating pool, but also to pursue her own “love connection.” However, her eagerness to get serious led to a painful love lesson.

She thought she had met the man of her dreams. “I went from zero to 60,” she says. “I didn\’t take the time to get to know the guy. I automatically assumed he wanted to be in a relationship. I automatically went into girlfriend mode.

“He told me he had intimacy issues stemming from his childhood. I wanted to work with him but he said he didn\’t need my help. I realized, you just can\’t change someone. On paper, this guy was what I was looking for; but I realized it was putting more of a burden on me because I was trying to prove to him that I was a good woman.”
Drake\’s Observations/Advice:
• When people show you who they are, believe them. Cut your losses and move on.
• Let him hunt. A man will kill time with a female who pursues, until he finds someone worth pursuing. Then he\’s gone.
• Slow down and be a friend first. Most happy couples say they married their best friend.

What do YOU think? Blog about it here….