When a Spouse is Unfaithful, Can YOU Forgive?

According to the Centers for Disease Control, more than 3 million women are, or have been wives or girlfriends of men who secretly have sex with other men.

The New York Times reports 20% of America’s gay men in are in heterosexual marriages and that least 50% of the gay men in America have fathered children – an indication that many gay/bisexual men have active sex lives with their wives.

Sexual betrayal is difficult. In the cases of marriage, it not only affects the spouse, the entire family is damaged. Is there forgiveness for someone who has been sexually unfaithful in a relationship? Read an excerpt of one woman\’s true story being married to her husband who lived life on the down low. Could you forgive someone who caused you this much pain? Ingrid Michelle\’s story will cause you to think…

Life AFTER the Down Low: One Woman\’s True Story

“Some say they would\’ve killed him. Others declare they would have gone insane. Most remained silent, watching with baited breath as the details un- folded, not certain of which side of the fence to be on.

After nearly 12 years of marriage, I learned that my husband–a youth pastor, teacher, principal, mentor and father, was living a double life as a homosexual and was accused of being a serial child molester.

After the numbness wore off, the pain set in bringing along its travel companions—depression, anger and resentment. But I decided to pick up the pieces of my life and start over.

It was tough. I had never imagined life as a single mother, especially with a special needs child. That wasn\’t what I signed up for – especially after having gone through the adoption process to get our son. It was obviously a road that the Lord knew I would be able to traverse well—alone.

I wasn\’t ignorant to the spirit and destruction behind “the down low.” I was well aware that it had become a pandemic in our society but I was oblivious to the fact that it was smiling in my face and sleeping in my bed.

Only months before my personal discovery, a close friend died after being infected with AIDS by her boyfriend. In hindsight, it was apparent that only those women who had been unexpectantly inducted in such a sordid sorority could understand the journey to healing. I was among the newest members.

I likened the loss of my seemingly “well-put-together” marriage to an untimely death. The devastation manifested it- self in every area imaginable— spiritual, emotional, physical, financial and psychological. Although I never questioned God, I abused myself for being unable to see the train coming before the wreck. My only recourse was to take matters into my own hands—literally— in order to pursue my peace (Psalm 34:14). While penning “Life AFTER the Down Low,” my personal memoir, I was able to identify in every chapter, with the “stages of grief.” With each stroke of the pen, I strategically broke through the walls of despair, eventually tapping into wholeness, layer by layer.
The devil\’s desire was to kill, steal and destroy my life and he used a man who claimed to love the Lord and me. But Jesus clearly came so that I could have life – more abundantly (John 10:10).

Every day is a new day for my son and me. God has shown Himself faithful in restoring all that was stolen from us. Have I forgotten? NO! Have I forgiven! YES!”

After the pain Ingrid pursued peace (Psalm 34:14). What about you! Realistically, how would you respond in this situation? Could you forgive the other person or would you choose to just move on with your life?



12 thoughts on “When a Spouse is Unfaithful, Can YOU Forgive?

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