It\’s been twenty years since Pam and John got married. During the first two years of their marriage there was plenty of romance. John would bring home flowers and the couple would spend passionate weekends together. On occasion, Pam would go in late to work in order to enjoy intimate time with John. Along with the their third wedding anniversary, they celebrated the birth of their first child. John felt “unprepared” for children, but Pam welcomed the opportunity to nurture their little one. In rapid succession, three more children were added to the family. John was over- whelmed and became increasingly disinterested in intimacy. Pam was so busy with the kids, she didn’t even notice. Now, as the last two kids are preparing to leave home for college, Pam and John have become more like â€œroommates.â€ Their “hots” have â€œcooled offâ€ and, with a disappointing sigh of “that’s just how it is,” both have resigned themselves to a sexless marriage.
The Bible is clear that the husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (Eph. 5:33). The question really becomes, â€œHow loving or respectful is it to neglect one another\’s intimacy needs? If we vowed to â€œlove and to cherish (our spouse) from this day forward until death us do part,â€ is it â€œwrongâ€ to allow the seemingly unavoidable demands and stresses of parenting, work, social outlets and spiritual activities to keep us from adhering to those vows?
Are you in a â€œsex-starvedâ€ marriage? Ac- cording to Dr. Andrew Atwood, author of Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage, â€œAs many as 17 million married couples are not having sex!â€ If you\’re â€œstarvingâ€ why not take some time during this holiday season to re-ignite or turn up the passion in your marriage!
Re-Light The Fire
1. Be intentional about creating romantic moments. Don\’t let daily routines and requirements get you in a rut. Be creative! Plan intimate settings, romantic date nights, and mini-vacations.
2. Be aware of your partner\’s â€œpassion points.â€ Women need attention and effort to get them in the mood. Be willing to pamper. Men are less complex but still like certain things. Don\’t guess, Just ask!
3. Be sensitive and sensual. When you first married you connected emotionally through talking, looking into each others eyes and laughing together. Re-create emotional intimacy that will give way to physical intimacy (i.e. leave the computer out of the bed room).
4. Be helpful to your partner. Running a household, tending to kids, working inside or outside the home, cooking, etc., requires a lot of energy! Help your spouse with the chores. This will assist in creating a reservoir of energy for physical intimacy.